Reading this article was like listening to the debate that I have with myself every day

It seems like there have been so many articles in the newspaper and in magazines and in NPR lately about the fact that parents are less happy than non-parents. Its the topic of the day. I was pretty surprised to hear about these studies when they first came out, and they made me seriously re-consider my need to have children. Here's the problem: I am obsessed with motherhood and want to catch babies for a living (midwives call it "catching" babies because obviously we don't birth them, that's the mother's job) I remember one of the first mothers that I interviewed for my final project in college. Her name was Heather. She lived in the forest with her 4 year old daugther, Violet, and had an incredibly deep love for her child. The quote that stuck with me from her interview is: "I came to the understanding of [motherhood] as a rite of passage in to womanhood and a complete sacrifice of ego." This is what I want to experience. But I value my freedom more than anything. And I know that I can hardly take care of myself. Will I ever be able to take care of a child? I like one thing that the NPR segment on these studies said: Its a better indicator to ask people not whether they are happier, but whether or not they would do it again. Most parents say they would do it again if they were given the chance. The author argued that there were things more important in life than happiness.

The article states that the media gives us the idea that raising a child is the best thing ever. I can't really think of a specific time that I have heard this, but it is definitely an idea I have been raised with. I think people are just scared to talk about how difficult raising a child is. They don't want to seem like terrible parents, so they focus on the good aspects of parenting when talking to their friends. Of course people complain about late night feedings and whatnot, but they always seem to do it with a simle. They never want to give off the impression that they are less than satisfied with parenting.

I think it can be most difficult to develop yourself as a human being while attending to the needs of a kid. When people have kids, their whole social life often becomes wrapped up in parenting. When people ask you how you are, you often talk about how your kids are. You just get stretched too thin and have little time for yourself if you are providing for the financial and emotional needs of your children. I think that one thing that I will do when/if I become a parent is I will be sure to tell my kids how I am feeling. (Most of the time, anyway.) Kids need to view their parents as fellow humans, not just as caretakers. I think that this will help them develop empathy at a young age.

I think that parenthood should be something that is entered in to only when parents know what they are getting themselves in to. It isn't fair for children to be raised by parents who are resentful of them because they had no idea how hard parenting was going to be. I think we would have happier, more well adjusted families if people only had kids when/if they really, really wanted to, not to fill some cultural obligation. It is important for me to be friends with people who have children so I will get an idea of what it is like. I even acted as an "apprentice mom" for a friend who needed help with her kids for a week while her mom was out of town. I wish that we have more intergenerational friendships so we would actually be prepared for the obstacles of life in general.

In my line of work, I have had some experience with single, teenage moms. I believe that the children of single or teenage parents should have every oppurtunity that children of two parents home have, and more often than not, this involves financial assistance so the parent is able to devote a significant amount of time raising their child. As a feminist, I know that the burden most often falls on the woman, and I think that single parent assistance, as well as child support enforcement, is simply a step towards gender equity. We must also remember that women make about 73 cents for every man's dollar, making it even harder for women to raise children on their own. However, I have also seen that this government assistance often gives teen moms a sense of entitlement. I think they should continue to get assistance, because a child should never be punished for the actions of a parent, but they should be given special incentives and motivation to finish high school and get a higher education.